Why You Should Marry Late in Life (from 28 years old)

First a disclaimer, there is no right or wrong way to live this life, when we are born we don’t come with a manuscript. All that happens is we are socialized into our cultures, religions and whaterview.

But if you look at some instances pertaining when and who to marry, it just makes a lot of sense for people to marry late in life. Especially right now that divorce rates are high and rising, economy is bad and gender based violence has spiked.

Below are some reasons why I think you should marry late (between 28 to 38).

1. You’ll have established your career, if you wanted to reach PhD level, I’m sure by the time your 35 you’ll have accomplished that, by that age also, you’ll have established your career on a solid foundation meaning you have some financial security.

2. You’ll have known the kind of man/woman that you’ll want to settle with. You’ll have gone on casual dates with different people and have established your “taste”.

3. You’ll have known if you want kids or not. I think marrying or having kids should be a personal choice, so I believe by that age one will have known that.

4. You’ll be mature enough. You’ll have known yourself completely, you’ll have a solid confidence and emotional intelligence, so even if things go haywire, you’ll still enjoy your life.

Before make a commitment of marriage, please make sure you know what your getting into. Be ready to sacrifice and commit so that you succeed. Also remember if you don’t want to ever marry it’s still okey and life will still be beautiful.

Love and kindness be with you. Peace.

Simaloi.

Carpe Diem!

I will be happy when I get that job, I will loose weight when I get a gym membership, I will buy my partner a gift when I get this amount of money. I will start hustling when I’m done with school. I will, I will , I will.

That’s what most of us, keep on telling ourselves. It is a good visualization but how long will it take us to treat our loved ones well, Untill we get that check? How long will that check take.

So what about we start actualizing all our dreams right now bit by bit, if you want to loose weight, start with a simple walk every morning, if you want to gift your partner start with simple things even if it’s a beautiful dress, you know.

Most of the times we aim at greater things but even these simple acts of kindness will bring us a great deal of satisfaction. Saying hello to your neighbor and asking them how they are may mean a lot to them. That may brighten their gloomy day.

So friends, instead of us waiting for that perfect opportunity to be good to ourselves and others, what about we create those special moments, what about we do what we always wanted to do in bits. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

Stop waiting for the perfect time but create that perfect time. Stop waiting for money but better your skills and money will come. Thank God for internet, we can access uncountable skills all over internet for free, so let’s seize the opportunity.

Carpe diem!!

Simaloi.

Overcoming the Little “Demons”

When I was in primary school, there was this girl who always scored so poorly, and after finishing KCPE (Kenya Certificate of Primary Education) exams, she didn’t go to secondary school, instead she opted to do casual jobs and started being an adult as a teenager.

She did not perform poorly because she was ‘stupid’ or her brain was damaged and couldn’t understand the reading and writing, her poor performance were as a result of her belief. A belief that she was ‘cursed’. She used to say that she was the cursed one of her family, the black sheep who was going to amount to nothing.

That time I didn’t think much about her statement, but when I met her in the market sometime ago, her story became clear in my mind. she believed that she amounted to nothing and the sad thing is, she is still doing casual jobs here and there and she now has 3 kids. It’s my hope that she will not instill the same beliefs to her kids.

So when you look at her scenario, it is self created, she probably didn’t get someone to save her from her own mental wreckage, but I am here to remind us that our little voices and constant thoughts shape our decisions and eventually our lives, so lets be careful what we are telling ourselves, lets replace the negative talk with a positive one and that will change our course. It may not be easy at first but with practice we will start seeing results no matter how long the process can be.

Be kind and stay safe.

Simaloi.

Virginity, Why the Double Standards.

Virginity, girls are encouraged to keep it while boys are encouraged to loose it. Why the double standards, because girls can easily get pregnant and boys can’t, but they still have sex mainly with the same boy that are encouraged to explore at an early age.

Though with todays trends, things are changing fast, both girls and boys loose their virginity almost at the same age and the notion of girls keeping their virginity for that “special person” is eroding thanks to modern contraception.

Consecuently, a whole new culture is coming up, you know if a girl sleeps with diffrent dudes, then she belongs to the streets, she’s a hoe, she has a poor mileage, she doesnt have morals, she will not get a husband and bla bla bla. But a guy who sleeps with a different girl every weekend is not labeled. He’s just considered a man.

So basically we are replicating the same old notions that a girl should not have sex and should keep her virginty for her husband but a man is allowed to explore.

Here is my take though, a persons sexuality and sexual behaviour should entirely be their own decisions. This is not a decision that society or religion should make for anybody. Because it’s part of our journeys, our life. Sex education should be taught to teenagers, sex can have a really bad repurcursion when misused, too much of anything is poisonous, and adults know that, so let people do what is right and good for them as long as their actions will not affect anyone else and will not bring them any future regrets.

It’s not fair to judge someone for being highly sexed, as long their decisions are not affecting anyone.

Stay safe, Simaloi.

Productive Ways to Deal with Frustrations

Today I have received very very disturbing news, news which has really hurt my heart. If I wasn’t a teetotaler I would have opted for some strong drink, if I was using any kind of drug I would have used it today, it would really have calmed me down. That’s their work essentially, they enable us to escape from the reality of now and give us a some level of ecstasy even if in reality the situation is different.

But I didn’t opt for any of that, instead I took my laptop and started writing, I am writing this because I want to shift my attention and energy from the sad news to something positive which gives me satisfaction and joy, and that is writing.

So what is the moral of the story here, any time you feel so frustrated, find that creative skill that you love, is it painting, singing, drawing, cooking, playing a musical instrument or writing, then channel your energy to that. There is no need to waste the whole day thinking about your “bad day”. Instead try to make it a better day, after all we have the power to control situations, and that’s what makes us super humans. Then after you’ve cooled and calmed down you can now asses the situation in a logical manner and be able to make rational and realistic decisions.

And honestly, with this short writing, I now feel better and I know the rest of this day will be great.

Channel your frustrations to a creative skill which brings you bliss.

Simaloi.

Effects of Being Overly Dependent.

I don’t suffer from DPD (dependent personality disorder), which is an anxiety personality disorder characterized by the inability to be alone according to Health line. But I have some of it’s characteristics which I think was greatly influenced by my upbringing.

I experienced similar DPD characteristic, like needing approval from family before making a major decision, always preferring to work with someone rather than alone, needing repeated assurance, fearing rejection, and being overly sensitive to rejection.

This kinds of decisions led me into choose a career that I didn’t like, which wasted a significant amount of my time and my parents money. It also made me feel stupid and naive in some situations and it definitely led me into taking wrong turns in my life.

But thankfully when I started my self-awareness journey, I was able to recognize that I had this problem and I am now on my recovery road to reclaim my own “sanity” and be a decisive and firm adult. I have made so many changes in my life that I am proud of and I am very excited at the turn that things are taking now.

So if you are going through the same phase in your life, hold on because the recovery road is tough but it has stupendous results in the end. Asking for advice from your trusted close friends and family is not the issue, but the issue is needing their approval every damn time you want to do something. Sometimes we need to stand for ourselves and what we believe in by ourselves and not involving any second party.

Lets become enough for ourselves.

self love and peace.

The Controversial Emotion?

love, the for letter word, is a mystery that no one on the face of the earth can clearly define its meaning. People view it in different ways. To some it have brought peace and prosperity but to some it is the opposite, it have brought them agony and pain. This four letter word has led to death of very many young people who were promising people of our generation.

In the recent past they have been increased numbers of deaths and the cause being this word love. When it becomes sour, it causes people to do things that they would never have thought they would do in their wildest dreams. It is a great pity that this word which books of faith describes as the ultimate law of living a life that pleases GOD has turned to be the cause of many people in jail and others dead.

This name causes people to get married and start another generation. This word makes people be compassionate and help the poor and the sick. Hence one wonders why it has to turn sour. Imagine a world full of people who know the true meaning of love and they follow it to the latter end. We would be living our paradise here on planet earth. We wouldn’t be having any cases of corruption because people will put other people first before their own selfish desires, actually people will not be having any selfish desires, because we would all be satisfied with what we work hard for and no one will be stealing any government funds.

As you define this emotion in your own terms, I hope that you will remember the teachings of the great Rabbi, love others as you love yourself.

Safe.

Ciao.

Simaloi Toimasi

We All Matter

I come from one of the most patriarchal communities in Kenya, the Maasai. One of the most diverse and well moraled community. I deeply appreciate my culture and upbringing and all that it has taught me as a person. With some of the things that we have integrated into our culture like education and different kinds of religions, unfortunately we still lag behind in gender equality.

Women are still viewed as “objects” of the man. Some women are still subjected to things like FGM, early marriages and are not allowed to own property.

I strongly believe that for us to corellate in a very peaceful way, the men of today should let go of that past believe and ebrace equality. Even as we do our different roles, we should be complimenting each other and not viewing one gender as lesser that the other. Because that’s what is causing a lot of toxic femininity, because I believe that when the woman’s voice is heard and respected, then we will not have and any of this clashes that we are experiencing every day.

May we learn to respect one another and live in harmony.

Simaloi Toimasi

Be Willing to Unleash your Beauty

Any situation can be changed from it’s most ugliest to be beautiful. In life we go through a lot of shit, be it within our selves or within the environment that surrounds us. Our busket of shit gets full, we clean it first, but it gets filled up again so easily. We try to clean it for the second, the third, fourth,,,,,,,and so on times. But it gets a point where we give up and we get ruled by circumstances instead of us ruling them. We give in to the status quo, our society’s expectations, to go through school, go to college, get a career and money, get married and have kids.

So we get wrapped up with other people’s expectations and forget about what we truly want for ourselves, someone can choose a particular career because it makes more money and forgo his/her inner desire for the sake of money and a big name. When we look through history, the most successful people, (and I define success by fullfiment one attains and not materially) we see people who chose what gives them bliss and gave it their whole, be it artistic ventures, football, and many others and by bringing out their inner beauty, it has earned the game and success.

So I honestly think that what every human needs is to find what gives them that bliss, what brings them total joy and follow that without giving in to any intimidation whatsoever. And to do anything worthwhile one needs to be willing to put in the work, to stay the long hours researching about your field and actually doing it until you perfect it. It may bring you money or it might not but eventually you will be fulfilled,you can get other venture that will give you money and still pursue what you truly love.

As you do all this, taking back your purposes, please be kind, a little kindness here and there, puting a smile on someone’s else’s face will leave you with joy and God’s blessings.

Stay safe and remember to be kind.

Jenny Simaloi

The “small things” that matter

Lately being home (shags)due to Rona bae, I do my meditation outside with fresh air and morning sunlight. Today after my meditation, when I opened my eyes and saw the most magnificent things. Those things we probably look at them on a daily basis but we don’t really see them.

That is the beautiful blue sky, the various types of birds greeting us each morning with their joyous chirping, the trees as they are being swayed by the wind, our domestic animals, the beautiful vegetation’s and all this beauties that we just look and never take time to appreciate their existence and their role in our lives.

We have so much as human being to be grateful for, but most of the time instead of being grateful, all we do is complain and ask for more and more.

So lets take some time and just be grateful to mother nature for all these beautiful creations created to serve us as humans. And lets co-exist well with her and stop being so cruel to her.

Gratitude.

Simaloi Toimasi.