is it just me or these guys are truly annoying?

is it just me or these guys are truly annoying?

So just the other day i met a guy somewhere. We talked for some time about random things and later we exchanged contacts. I somehow regret that now but it was also worth some lessons. After a while he invited me to a party somewhere and i declined (i prefer partying with my friends he was/is still a stranger). So after a day or so he called me again, this time he wanted us to meet and hang out in his place. And again i declined, because going to guy’s house isn’t safe(my take) because anything crazy can happen. Like if he asks for sex and you decline you don’t know how he will react . This is when hell broke loose.

He started telling me that i should accept his advances because time is running out and i didn’t know what i was missing. (I mean i should worry about time passing when i reach 35 not now when i am 24). That is, being with him is such a great thing that was passing be by, like an opportunity i should pounce on. And i was like, hold up! hold up! who do you think you are (i didn’t say that verbally). What kind of a guy approaches a girl by using such an approach? I only knew him for less than a fortnight and he was already yapping about us meeting and “hanging out” and just because i wasn’t interested or it was still early for me, he starts blaming me for letting such an opportunity pass me by. This wasn’t the fist guy i encountered who acted like that. There was another one. He also felt like by refusing to date him is refusing such a great opportunity that i will never get somewhere else.

my take

business black woman thinking on a grey background

This kept me thinking what happened to the proper way of dating, that is getting to know the likes and dislikes of a person, going on several dates, that is proper dates in public places like restaurants. Yes there is no laid manual on how this things should work out but i think that there is way to get to know someone before other advances unless someone is a hit and run type of person (which unfortunately characterizes most people these days). My take is this, if you want to date someone, please use the right words and channels. Not everybody is interested in a hit and run situation. Some of us take like three to six month to know someone before deciding to take things to another level.

Simaloi Toimasi

Turning a Quarter Century Older

Turning a Quarter Century Older

happy birthday to me

In this special day I turned a year older. That is a quarter century older. I am excited to be this old, and so grateful to God for giving me this chance. As I reflect on my life, I compare my last year’s birthday and I really appreciate the difference. In the past years, I was someone else, someone controlled by other people, someone who followed the crowd, someone with low self esteem, BUT I see great improvements now.

I have overcome most of those things, I have really tried to be the best version of myself, my self esteem is great, I am more confident and I make better and informed decisions, I am pursuing my career and enjoying most bits of my life.

Now as I turn 25, I pray that I continue improving and being better everyday. To you, in any situation you are in, take heart, appreciate that moment(things always become better) and move on to your vision’s direction. At the beginning, it’s easier to throw in the towel, but life is a journey and we must strive to reach to our destinations and see the difference between place A and B. Let’s always strive to be better versions of ourselves,better mothers, fathers, brothers, wives, gf/bf, role models, etc and above all let love reign, because with love towards ourselves and others, we will live fulfilling lives.

By, Simaloi Toimasi

The Power of Today

The Power of Today

DO YOUR BEST THIS DAY

Each morning I wake up, means a lot. It means that I have a chance to do a myriad of things that I need to. It means that I can change the wrongs that I did yesterday into rights. It means I can choose to do things differently. It means I have a new paper of sheet and a pen, and it is ME to choose what to write (metaphorically speaking) on this day.

Each morning you have an opportunity to do things differently. If you have a sick friend and you’ve not yet visited them, today is a good chance to do that. If you wronged your partner, now is a good time to apologize.

There is this phrase that goes “if you want to tell me something, tell me now because tomorrow may be too late“. And I agree with this because, tomorrow is never guaranteed. Anything can happen today and so we must embrace this opportunity and do things right. Things that will bring us closer to our dreams.

Today, lets love a little more, start treating your body better, read a great book, go to work or school and do your best. Lets us maximize this day and come out with great results in the evening. And in all we do, let us put love first. Because love will make us treat ourselves and others better.

Good Morning

By Simaloi Toimasi

Consistency is Paramount

Consistency is Paramount

This is the last day of October. Tomorrow a new month begins. That makes it exactly two months remaining to the end of this year. Most of us make resolutions at the beginning of each year (some at the beginning of each month) and my question is, how far have you reached?

As for me, for the first time in my life, I have done almost 80% of what I promised myself to do, ranging from changing my career to simple self development things like drinking water everyday and exercising. They may not be very big things but I am grateful that I have been consistent in doing the smaller things because eventually consistency is a very important skill that I am mastering.

Think about the qualities that you’ve always desired o have, ranging from honesty, self control, consistency, public speaking skills and many others. This are great skills that I personally think are vital in day to day life. But to be sincere many people struggle to master these skills. But with patience and never quitting, attaining whatever you want is possible.

what one requires is to consistency to do what you wanted to do starting from one step and moving a little further every single day. You may relapse once in a while, but every time you get down, you must rise up and continue with the journey. I have a problem of always fantasizing and this affects my concentration, and I have always wanted to be in the present but it’s been really hard to be in the present, but this year I decided that I will push my self no matter what, and the truth is I have started seeing some results. These days, though I still fantasize but it’s not as much as I used to do. I used to hold a book to read and for example if I planned to read a book for one hour, I will only read it for the first 15 minutes and the other 45, I will fantasize about my future, future boyfriend, future career success or even things that have already happened. fantasizing may not be entirely bad because some people call it manifesting (I don’t know if that works) but my problem is/was that it took too much of my time and it prevented me to do what is at hand hence made me waste so much time.

Now I really believe in starting small, moving from one to two and never giving up. So if you are in the same position, don’t ever give up. If you always wanted to loose weight, start small, work out for 10 minutes today then tomorrow you can add two minutes and the other day add three and by the end of the month, you’ll be working out for like one hour. Consistency is key and remember that practice make perfect. All the best.

By, Simaloi Toimasi

Why do I feel so useless???

Why do I feel so useless???

I feel drained, I feel useless and unworthy. This kind of feeling creeps some times and it makes me feel terrible. Those thoughts of failure, negativity and low self worth.

It seems all my friends are more successful than I am, they have jobs and are earning, some have good relationships, some have traveled the world and et cetera…..

As for me, I started off with the wrong foot and I had to go back to school (uni) and start again. At my age, I have no business,job, capital or car and everything I had plan to have after high school.

Sometimes I feel that time moves so fast and it refuses to give me a chance to be what I dreamt to be. I am not jealous of my friends, in fact I am happy for them. They say birds of the same feather fly together and I am just wondering why I was left behind. I am quite hardworking and intelligent but I don’t understand why things are not working out.

I have not given up and I will never quit until I accomplish my goals. Yes sometimes I feel too weak, but the good thing is, I am still alive and still have good days. I will push my self harder, I am going to start my own business,I am going to read as many books as possible and I will eventually be successful and attain my goals.

yes I will make it

Someday, I will reread this post and appreciate the far that i’ll have traveled.

By, Simaloi Toimasi

Define Your Own Beauty

Define Your Own Beauty

what makes you different, makes you beautiful

Beauty can be defined differently by different people. It is a combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight. where i come from, different symbols signify beauty, such as ear piercing, tattooing all over one’s hands and thighs, wearing a lot of beaded ornaments and applying a red ochre on ones hair. In other communities, beauty is represented in different diverse ways.

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The 21st century has brought it’s own definition of beauty. With the birth of internet ,social media and globalization, beauty is defined by the number of followers on Instagram, the physical attributes of a person and even to its worse the skin color.

But personal beauty should be defined by the individual and not the society. It should be internal more than physical, because internal beauty, we can control but it is hard to control the external. So one should focus more on internal beauty, that is the values that one posses and this will always hold waters even in tough times. External beauty is good, because it boosts one’s confidence, though concentrating too much on it can conversely cause low levels of confidence ans self esteem.

More importantly, we should all be comfortable in the body we came with, but there are ways to enhance it (if necessary) like exercising, cutting down calories, makeup, surgeries to its extremes and many more. But these should not be infused by what we consume on social media or from people around us, but it should be a personal decision to enhance their own beauty. Remember, beauty does not lie in the eye of the beholder. And everyone is beautiful in their own way.

define your own beauty

By Simaloi Toimasi

Gratitudes to the women who came before me

Gratitudes to the women who came before me

together we can, divided we fall

Umoja is an only women village in Samburu county, Kenya. The village was founded in 1990 by Rebecca Lolosoli a samburu woman, to be a home for young girls running from forced marriages (when a girl reached 12 years she would undergo FGM then she would be given out to an old man as a wife) and gender-based violence against women. Samburu is one of the tribes in Kenya which practiced (and still practices) FGM (female genital mutilation) and patriarchy.

Despite such a background Rebecca decided to break the norms and free herself from these traditions of inequality and now leads a happy life as an independent person (independent meaning she’s able make her life decisions without the interference of these subjective traditions). In addition she is now helping girls to escape early marriages, FGM and get a education and women who are only taken by their husbands as objects of use and not partners.

We are in the era of women empowerment, and it is fair to the girl child as we suffer the most when it comes to inequality of leadership positions, sexual harassment, FGM etc. Though women empowerment has come with toxic femininity, the good still surpasses the negatives at a very high percentage .Women from such like communities are now able to go to school, for go FGM, choose their own partners (husbands), hold leadership positions or choose to remain unmarried (if they wish to) etc.

thank you

Today, I appreciate having such role models, coming from this type of community myself,I do appreciate all the effort put in place to help me get an education, escape FGM, choose the time I want to start a family and with however I want to be with and generally the opportunity to have the freedom to choose what I want in my life. Kudos to all the woman who came before me and shunned these toxic traditions and to every man and woman helping the girl child to rise and be an independent person.

By, Simaloi Toimasi