Caring for my body is of fundamental importance.

Do you want to lose weight or do you want to gain it? Either way, good food and weight lifting may just be what you’ve been looking for.

For my case, it’s the latter. I am a petite person and for a while I had this desire to gain some weight. Another thing is I also wanted to gain my muscle gain and increase my energy.

And so when I started going to the gym to do weight lifting, I’ve had enormous changes. But these changes are not coming as first as I anticipated. This is because every good thing needs commitment and consistency.

So I’ve been working out for 5 months now, and the first 3 months I didn’t see any changes. But the last 2 months I changed some things so as to see if I’ll have some changes and see some gains.

I changed my diet completely and started eating healthier foods. I went to the gym 5 days a week without fail. And after a month I had added 2 more kgs to my weight.

And then another more month and I had added another kg. After getting these results I was so happy and excited. This is because I reach a weight gain that I have never reached in my life. As small as this may seem, it is really huge for me. Because I know the sacrifice that I’ve had to undergo to get here. I am still going forward, to eat healthy, lifting weights and maintaining a good lifestyle.

And so, if you have the same goal, loosing weight, gaining weight or just maintaining it, consistency is key.

Also don’t be too hard on yourself, celebrate your small gains, because they’ll amount to the gains that your anticipating to get,

And you can agree with me that in order to see a change in any aspect of your life, consistency and sacrifice are the major key.

My lover was someone’s else’s lover

I was in love, madly in love, we literally stayed together for three months, our lives revolved around going to class, and then to each other’s house, if he’s not in my house, I was in his and vice versa. We were young, just started University.

I never felt this feeling before. I used to see it in movies and read it in novels, and now here I was, experiencing the same thing that they called love; the happiness, the butterflies in my stomach, the crazy good sex and all the good feelings all at once. And then I knew, voila, I am in love, madly in love. 

I started creating our future in my mind. How he’ll introduce me to his parents, how we’ll have a boy and a girl, how we’ll grow old together. And all the fantasies of love.

Then after 3 months of this good feeling, my lover, my perfect lover started changing, he started having some “meetings”, but I mean, he’s a man, he needs to have deals to get money.

Then this day he was so high (on probably weed) and he showed me a picture of this dark skinned, pretty girl. And he said, I am in love with this girl. Weeell, I laughed, you know, he was high, things that people say when they’re high. 

But no, my guy was serious, he was in love with this other person, and he’s been dating her since high school, but had had some quarrels and I was his destruction. 

There are some feelings that can’t be described, you know. That’s why it’s called a heartbreak. My lover was someone’s else’s lover. I was broken, my plans and wishes of the future shattered. I was alone, all alone and lonely.

It took me 3 years to start healing that wound but still I have never fallen in love again, I am now older and wiser. I will never fall in love again, but if love ever comes my way again, I will be healthy in love, sanely in love and peacefully in love.

Why You Should Marry Late in Life (from 28 years old)

First a disclaimer, there is no right or wrong way to live this life, when we are born we don’t come with a manuscript. All that happens is we are socialized into our cultures, religions and whaterview.

But if you look at some instances pertaining when and who to marry, it just makes a lot of sense for people to marry late in life. Especially right now that divorce rates are high and rising, economy is bad and gender based violence has spiked.

Below are some reasons why I think you should marry late (between 28 to 38).

1. You’ll have established your career, if you wanted to reach PhD level, I’m sure by the time your 35 you’ll have accomplished that, by that age also, you’ll have established your career on a solid foundation meaning you have some financial security.

2. You’ll have known the kind of man/woman that you’ll want to settle with. You’ll have gone on casual dates with different people and have established your “taste”.

3. You’ll have known if you want kids or not. I think marrying or having kids should be a personal choice, so I believe by that age one will have known that.

4. You’ll be mature enough. You’ll have known yourself completely, you’ll have a solid confidence and emotional intelligence, so even if things go haywire, you’ll still enjoy your life.

Before make a commitment of marriage, please make sure you know what your getting into. Be ready to sacrifice and commit so that you succeed. Also remember if you don’t want to ever marry it’s still okey and life will still be beautiful.

Love and kindness be with you. Peace.

Simaloi.

Carpe Diem!

I will be happy when I get that job, I will loose weight when I get a gym membership, I will buy my partner a gift when I get this amount of money. I will start hustling when I’m done with school. I will, I will , I will.

That’s what most of us, keep on telling ourselves. It is a good visualization but how long will it take us to treat our loved ones well, Untill we get that check? How long will that check take.

So what about we start actualizing all our dreams right now bit by bit, if you want to loose weight, start with a simple walk every morning, if you want to gift your partner start with simple things even if it’s a beautiful dress, you know.

Most of the times we aim at greater things but even these simple acts of kindness will bring us a great deal of satisfaction. Saying hello to your neighbor and asking them how they are may mean a lot to them. That may brighten their gloomy day.

So friends, instead of us waiting for that perfect opportunity to be good to ourselves and others, what about we create those special moments, what about we do what we always wanted to do in bits. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

Stop waiting for the perfect time but create that perfect time. Stop waiting for money but better your skills and money will come. Thank God for internet, we can access uncountable skills all over internet for free, so let’s seize the opportunity.

Carpe diem!!

Simaloi.

Overcoming the Little “Demons”

When I was in primary school, there was this girl who always scored so poorly, and after finishing KCPE (Kenya Certificate of Primary Education) exams, she didn’t go to secondary school, instead she opted to do casual jobs and started being an adult as a teenager.

She did not perform poorly because she was ‘stupid’ or her brain was damaged and couldn’t understand the reading and writing, her poor performance were as a result of her belief. A belief that she was ‘cursed’. She used to say that she was the cursed one of her family, the black sheep who was going to amount to nothing.

That time I didn’t think much about her statement, but when I met her in the market sometime ago, her story became clear in my mind. she believed that she amounted to nothing and the sad thing is, she is still doing casual jobs here and there and she now has 3 kids. It’s my hope that she will not instill the same beliefs to her kids.

So when you look at her scenario, it is self created, she probably didn’t get someone to save her from her own mental wreckage, but I am here to remind us that our little voices and constant thoughts shape our decisions and eventually our lives, so lets be careful what we are telling ourselves, lets replace the negative talk with a positive one and that will change our course. It may not be easy at first but with practice we will start seeing results no matter how long the process can be.

Be kind and stay safe.

Simaloi.

Virginity, Why the Double Standards.

Virginity, girls are encouraged to keep it while boys are encouraged to loose it. Why the double standards, because girls can easily get pregnant and boys can’t, but they still have sex mainly with the same boy that are encouraged to explore at an early age.

Though with todays trends, things are changing fast, both girls and boys loose their virginity almost at the same age and the notion of girls keeping their virginity for that “special person” is eroding thanks to modern contraception.

Consecuently, a whole new culture is coming up, you know if a girl sleeps with diffrent dudes, then she belongs to the streets, she’s a hoe, she has a poor mileage, she doesnt have morals, she will not get a husband and bla bla bla. But a guy who sleeps with a different girl every weekend is not labeled. He’s just considered a man.

So basically we are replicating the same old notions that a girl should not have sex and should keep her virginty for her husband but a man is allowed to explore.

Here is my take though, a persons sexuality and sexual behaviour should entirely be their own decisions. This is not a decision that society or religion should make for anybody. Because it’s part of our journeys, our life. Sex education should be taught to teenagers, sex can have a really bad repurcursion when misused, too much of anything is poisonous, and adults know that, so let people do what is right and good for them as long as their actions will not affect anyone else and will not bring them any future regrets.

It’s not fair to judge someone for being highly sexed, as long their decisions are not affecting anyone.

Stay safe, Simaloi.

Productive Ways to Deal with Frustrations

Today I have received very very disturbing news, news which has really hurt my heart. If I wasn’t a teetotaler I would have opted for some strong drink, if I was using any kind of drug I would have used it today, it would really have calmed me down. That’s their work essentially, they enable us to escape from the reality of now and give us a some level of ecstasy even if in reality the situation is different.

But I didn’t opt for any of that, instead I took my laptop and started writing, I am writing this because I want to shift my attention and energy from the sad news to something positive which gives me satisfaction and joy, and that is writing.

So what is the moral of the story here, any time you feel so frustrated, find that creative skill that you love, is it painting, singing, drawing, cooking, playing a musical instrument or writing, then channel your energy to that. There is no need to waste the whole day thinking about your “bad day”. Instead try to make it a better day, after all we have the power to control situations, and that’s what makes us super humans. Then after you’ve cooled and calmed down you can now asses the situation in a logical manner and be able to make rational and realistic decisions.

And honestly, with this short writing, I now feel better and I know the rest of this day will be great.

Channel your frustrations to a creative skill which brings you bliss.

Simaloi.

Effects of Being Overly Dependent.

I don’t suffer from DPD (dependent personality disorder), which is an anxiety personality disorder characterized by the inability to be alone according to Health line. But I have some of it’s characteristics which I think was greatly influenced by my upbringing.

I experienced similar DPD characteristic, like needing approval from family before making a major decision, always preferring to work with someone rather than alone, needing repeated assurance, fearing rejection, and being overly sensitive to rejection.

This kinds of decisions led me into choose a career that I didn’t like, which wasted a significant amount of my time and my parents money. It also made me feel stupid and naive in some situations and it definitely led me into taking wrong turns in my life.

But thankfully when I started my self-awareness journey, I was able to recognize that I had this problem and I am now on my recovery road to reclaim my own “sanity” and be a decisive and firm adult. I have made so many changes in my life that I am proud of and I am very excited at the turn that things are taking now.

So if you are going through the same phase in your life, hold on because the recovery road is tough but it has stupendous results in the end. Asking for advice from your trusted close friends and family is not the issue, but the issue is needing their approval every damn time you want to do something. Sometimes we need to stand for ourselves and what we believe in by ourselves and not involving any second party.

Lets become enough for ourselves.

self love and peace.

The Controversial Emotion?

love, the for letter word, is a mystery that no one on the face of the earth can clearly define its meaning. People view it in different ways. To some it have brought peace and prosperity but to some it is the opposite, it have brought them agony and pain. This four letter word has led to death of very many young people who were promising people of our generation.

In the recent past they have been increased numbers of deaths and the cause being this word love. When it becomes sour, it causes people to do things that they would never have thought they would do in their wildest dreams. It is a great pity that this word which books of faith describes as the ultimate law of living a life that pleases GOD has turned to be the cause of many people in jail and others dead.

This name causes people to get married and start another generation. This word makes people be compassionate and help the poor and the sick. Hence one wonders why it has to turn sour. Imagine a world full of people who know the true meaning of love and they follow it to the latter end. We would be living our paradise here on planet earth. We wouldn’t be having any cases of corruption because people will put other people first before their own selfish desires, actually people will not be having any selfish desires, because we would all be satisfied with what we work hard for and no one will be stealing any government funds.

As you define this emotion in your own terms, I hope that you will remember the teachings of the great Rabbi, love others as you love yourself.

Safe.

Ciao.

Simaloi Toimasi

We All Matter

I come from one of the most patriarchal communities in Kenya, the Maasai. One of the most diverse and well moraled community. I deeply appreciate my culture and upbringing and all that it has taught me as a person. With some of the things that we have integrated into our culture like education and different kinds of religions, unfortunately we still lag behind in gender equality.

Women are still viewed as “objects” of the man. Some women are still subjected to things like FGM, early marriages and are not allowed to own property.

I strongly believe that for us to corellate in a very peaceful way, the men of today should let go of that past believe and ebrace equality. Even as we do our different roles, we should be complimenting each other and not viewing one gender as lesser that the other. Because that’s what is causing a lot of toxic femininity, because I believe that when the woman’s voice is heard and respected, then we will not have and any of this clashes that we are experiencing every day.

May we learn to respect one another and live in harmony.

Simaloi Toimasi